The Internets tell me the Oscars are coming up. I have seen exactly one of the films with a nomination this year. One. Fortunately, the drama at home is of the highest quality. In fact, if you drop by at about 7:50 PM, you should catch a veritable tour-de-force of improvisational acting.
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INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT MUMMY finishes putting away toys and switches off the television. KIDLET looks up, alarmed, from the coloring book in which she has been dreamily scribbling. KIDLET (aghast) Wall-E! MUMMY No Wall-E. Time for bed. KIDLET Oh, no! MUMMY Oh, yes. Kidlet scrambles down from the table and runs into a far corner of the room. KIDLET (desperately) I want juice, please! MUMMY (advancing) You have juice here. KIDLET Want food! See the fishy! MUMMY (picking up a blanket) Time for bed, dear. KIDLET Change the nappy? Mummy checks for biohazards. MUMMY Nothing there. She picks up Kidlet. KIDLET Oh, dear! Go see the ducks? Please? Please?! INT. STAIRWAY - NIGHT Mummy carries a wriggling, WAILING Kidlet up. INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT Kidlet YOWLS. Mummy pastes a toothbrush and sticks it in Kidlet's hand. A moment's silence as Kidlet sucks the paste off: yum! Mummy SIGHS. INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT Mummy fishes pajamas out of a dresser. Kidlet begins desperately pulling toy food from a toy stove. KIDLET Make the food! Apple in a bow-el. Spoon in a bow-el. (holding up toy banana) Bananama! Undeterred, Mummy comes at Kidlet with the pajama shirt. KIDLET (CONT'D) No! Kidlet goes limp in the middle of the floor. Mummy pulls off Kidlet's shoes and tights. She shakes Kidlet out of her shirt. Kidlet flops back onto the hardwood, not protesting when her head connects: BONK. Mummy wrestles Kidlet's noodle limbs into the pajamas. MUMMY Bedtime, sweetie. Kidlet suddenly retracts into a fetal position. KIDLET Nooooooooo! Noooooooooooo! Mummy lifts the tiny, raging nautilus into the crib and tucks blankets around her. MUMMY Good night, cupcake. I love you. KIDLET (suddenly sunny) Goot night! Sleep a tight! Ha ha! Mummy SIGHS. She turns on the night light and goes out.
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