Ask The Baby: The Large Hadron Collider

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In my nappy."

In this installation of our question-and-answer series, Naive Physicist and Baby Eve Judson addresses sciency stuff for those who have been wondering about (or worrying about) the Large Hadron Collider, the enormous particle accelerator physicists hope will allow for observation of the Higgs boson.

Dear Ask The Baby: I am afraid the Large Hardon Collider is going to destroy Earth by creating a black hole in the middle of the planet. It will be just like what the angry Romulans did to Vulcan in the new Star Trek movie, except that EVERYONE,  not only Winona Ryder, will die. Do you think I am crazy?

— Not Feeling Fine, Man

Dear NFFM: [counting fingers] Huh. Heh-heh-heh. Uh dib ba b’eh, mumumumumum.

Dear Ask The Baby: Do you really believe the piece of baguette that temporarily disabled the LHC in November was dropped by a pigeon? This was clearly an attempt by time-travelers from the post-apocalyptic future to warn us about the folly of activating this diabolical machine.  I think we need the truth about this to come out NOW.

12 Monkeys Can’t All Be Wrong

Dear 12 Monkeys: Mmmm.  Mmmm.  Mmmm! Uh deng deng deng beh nuh! Mama! Deng deng deng! Muh. [chews hands]

Dear Ask The Baby: Don’t you think all this attention paid to the Higgs boson is a little overhyped? It’s just theoretical at this point! There are other ways to explain the electroweak symmetry breaking and mass generation, and they don’t require spending hundreds of millions on a racetrack for quarks in Switzerland. However, my girlfriend doesn’t agree with me. She’s all about the Higgs. How do I keep from making sarcastic comments when she goes all gaga about the God particle? It’s driving me nuts.

Top Quark Potentate

Dear TQP: [flapping excitedly] Oooo!  Oooo! Mama! [points out window at bird] Hissa CAT!!

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