This month in Bean has been very busy, as you’d expect: being born is pretty important in getting one off to a good start in life. Studies show that 100% of the people not born achieve very little 20 years later (yes, Mum is sleep-deprived).
So Bean entered the world with the help of a crack team of surgeons on 3 March, and has since gotten a handle on such key human functions as:
- Pulmonary respiration
- Regulating her own body temperature
- Excreting wastes
- Looking at things
- Communicating her needs (i.e. crying)
And she has gained a whopping two pounds since arriving on the Outside. She has studied her parents’ faces and the stripes on Quinn the cat, guzzled pints of milk and gotten a pretty good handle on cooing as well. She has been well-loved and more or less competently looked after, so she has also learned to smile at her caregivers on occasion.
In her one month on Earth, Bean has been subjected to a social whirlwind, meeting doctors and midwives and nurses, as well as more important people, including aunt Steph and uncle Simon, and three of her four grandparents. She has an Internet following and is a celebrity with the staff at the supermarket and the neighbors. There are also those two silly people she lives with, who are always giggling at her and sticking the camera in her face. They’ve learned a lot as well. For example:
- Babies show up when they are good and ready
- If the baby’s eyes are closed, she isn’t necessarily asleep
- If the baby’s eyes are open, she isn’t necessarily awake
- The more tired the baby is, the harder it is for her to sleep
- BABIES DO NOT LIKE COLD HANDS
- If you turn on the vacuum cleaner near a cat, it will startle and run away
- If you turn on the vacuum cleaner near the baby, she will startle, suck on her fist, and go to sleep
- Babies smell nice, until they don’t
- Babies are sweet and friendly, until they aren’t
- Babies like having their nappies changed about as much as you like changing them
- The baby does not care about blankets or cribs or cute little outfits
- To the baby, you are home. Until you aren’t. So enjoy being her whole world while you can.