Tie Your Own Shoes While 9 Months Pregnant!

Are you more than 37 weeks pregnant? Wishing you could not only see your feet, but reach them too? It is possible to put on and tie your own shoes in the last month of pregnancy (provided your feet haven’t swollen up like so much sourdough). Here’s how:

  1. Wander around the house trying to remember where you put your shoes.
  2. Forget you were looking for your shoes. Make cup of tea.
  3. While tea is steeping, suddenly realize that shoes are in bottom of closet.
  4. Waddle upstairs to closet. Squat, grunting, and pick up shoes.
  5. Place shoes on toilet seat (NOTE: make sure lid is closed).
  6. Lift one bloated leg and place foot in shoe. No, wrong foot. No, the wrong foot in the wrong shoe, Momnesiac.
  7. Bend, grunting, and tie up laces. 
  8.  Repeat steps 6-7 with the other leg. 
  9. Three hours later, discover cold cup of swampy tea.

Magic!

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